Crying Jags and Sneakers

Sad iPhone crash means that I lost all my pictures… including Faerie Worlds.  Although the distress I felt when I couldn’t consult my phone for things was fairly disproportionate.  Maybe it’s time to fast from my phone. The thought of being without it makes me feel deprived and that’s RIDICULOUS.

I got the first pair of brand new sneakers I’ve ever had. I seriously do not remember ever having new sneakers. I was over the moon happy about this, and found out that I’ve been wearing sneakers a whole size too small. My feet should feel better.

The sneakers thing came on the heels of a crying jag. I let hundreds of little things build up from work and from home and they become this huge insurmountable monster. Hubby was trying to help me find ways to identify these things and neutralize them before they become so huge. One of the ways we thought of was that I usually do better mentally when I’m at the gym regularly, but I’ve only been going sporadically. Hubby  asked me why and I told him it was because my feet were in horrible pain every time we went, but buying shoes seemed like this insurmountable task. This is because it wasn’t just buying shoes, it was everything else I had to do AND buying shoes.

We took one step together, and went to Lady’s Footlocker, and that was that. I can’t express how deeply it touched me, to be able to vocalize something I needed, and have that taken care of, was so relieving I cannot express.

Those little steps are what I’m having trouble with. I don’t have any huge problems in my life. I’m grieving some friendships lost. I’m missing friends. I have work stress. I’m a newlywed. Nothing out of the ordinary, much less than most of the world has to deal with.

But I need some kind of help. I’ve been turning to the divine, but it seems to be a dry spell. I have a list of things to try: therapy, herbalism, acupuncture… it goes on. I’ve enrolled in some self help cleanses… notable right now I just started the Inner Mean Girl Cleanse which has been going well… but the point is that I can’t help myself, by myself.

So my plan this weekend is to go to the gym, go for some walks, journal, listen to some worship music, play my uke, maybe do some sewing… recalibrate and enjoy. The LORD is good.

~A.C.

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