O God, Hear My Heart

It’s time to look at other options.

I live in a beautiful city, but it is not employing my husband.   I’m employed at a wonderful job, but I really want to be in school, and I can do that pretty much anywhere.

I work very hard every day to be positive and upbeat.  I thank God for my wonderful life, with my more than big enough apartment, my happy healthy pets, and my good job.  I ask Him for strength to get through my day to day struggles.  I’m constantly asking for help.

I don’t think I’m getting it anymore.

All roads lead away from here.  At least for a time.  We need to move, I know we need to move,  we need direction and we need more faith.

How do you convince someone else to Trust and Believe?

The thing in my life right now that keeps me going is my herbalism class.  It’s amazing and headed in the direction I want to be headed in… traditional intuitive healing.  I want to dedicate my life to healing and to birthing and to releasing people from some of the shackles of illness and the modern medical system.

The problem with my herbalism class is that it throws into sharp light how much the rest of my life is not lining up with that goal.  I am working, but with only me working we will never get ahead.  If we’re not getting ahead anyway, why don’t I just go back to school?  If husband can’t find work here, why not go to school somewhere else, while we have money to move?  If not now, when?

It occurs to me that I have no idea how to care for another grown up.  I know how to love him, but I can’t really give him the things he needs to find and pursue his own dream.  I start to question why I’m working to support his lack of dream… doesn’t it make sense to pursue mine while he’s figuring that out?  Is that an utterly selfish proposal?  I don’t know.

How can I ask someone to risk everything to realize my dream?  How can I not?

I feel like I’m risking everything good in my self by not pursuing my calling with all my heart.

 

Seeking His Face and direction,

 

A.C.

 

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. sabrina
    Mar 12, 2011 @ 19:55:06

    I hear lots of wisdom, I hope that courage rears her head and you can both land on the same page when (not if) you leap. It’s that whole law of circular thinking thing, right? If you keep doing the same, how can a different outcome be expected?

    Maybe getting back to Eugene is the long term goal and grad school/ school of any kind, in a new city, somewhere affordable, is the break from routine you need.

    I wish I had some great words of wisdom, or suggestions that offered a miracle cure because I love you both and would love to see a solution materialize. I believe that you have good intuition about this issue, perhaps some of the conflict in getting to a solution is a necessary part of the process?

    Hoping for the best, and yes, that may be elsewhere.

    Reply

  2. Shane Bertou
    Mar 21, 2011 @ 03:27:47

    I really think you’d enjoy Rochester, NY. But that’s all I’ll say about that.

    I’ll continue to keep you guys in prayer as you seek direction.

    Reply

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