Momentum.

Good Morning darling readers.

I’m starting to reconcile that adult life can be a lot of momentum if you don’t watch out.  I used to read articles about women in the rat race and thought “how dumb do you have to be to get wrapped up in that”.  It turns out, it’s easier to do if you are smart, and have a lot of people relying on you.

Silence. I crave silence like air.  I crave the lack of a screen in front of my face like I crave sleep.  I deeply desire stillness.  I desire time to worship and meditate.  I literally have to create space and time for these things and it’s the worst possible time to try.  You see, I’m moving and it could be in a week or three weeks or a different time altogether.  It’s a long involved story as to why I don’t have a date, but I’m stuck in the “almost moving” bit and I feel a bit paralyzed to do anything even while I have so much to do.

Lately, what has been keeping me sane is World of Warcraft.  I’ve given myself grace to just lose myself in a game that keeps my brain sort of in a soft fantasy land. “But AC”, you say, “Couldn’t you use that time to meditate/have silence/practice devotion”?  And it’s a good question.  The answer is, right now, in the middle of my not packed enough house, if I sit still for minutes I either immediately feel crushingly bad for not Doing Something, or I just start to sob.  I can’t afford to break down right now.  So, since the move is imminent, I’m allowed to play WoW and decompress.

I have a list of things that need my attention: EuCon product, Theopathy League resume, my physical health, the people around me going through hard things.  I’m going to see if I can take an actual Sabbath on Saturday, and on Sunday get some traction.  I have to schedule it, put it in my planner, and stick to it.  I’ll check in and let you know how it’s going.

 

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